a coffee addict's brew on life...

No more doom and gloom! :)

2008-09-14T01:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I have been avoiding writing for some time. I have just had so much going on in life that withdrawal sounded real good! I was looking back over my blog, and although each entry is very meaningful to me, I felt it was all doom and gloom. SO, moving onward with some positive news. Avery comes home October 11th! Woo Hoo! I am so stinking excited I can barely stand myself! I went through her closet and all clothing but 4 items will be too small. INCLUDING the new stroller and car seat we bought her. She will need a bigger seat in just two months after arriving home, so we are having a garage sale and trying to sell most of that and get the correct size. There is a gal in Taiwan, originally from the states, that has been over there helping. She has gotten so homesick that she will return home to Omaha the 11th of October with our precious Avery in hand, Lord Willing. This escorting a baby to you is all new to us, so it will be interesting to be refreshed, a complete family, and close to home when we meet her for the first time in person. I am quite excited about the upcoming experience. Please continue to pray that all goes as planned! Until next time...

A wise man...

2008-08-11T18:56:00.000-07:00

A wise man once said..."If you lie to a group of people, that is one thing...It is called sin...if you lie to yourself, well then, that is the most dangerous place to be!" Love you Dad...

As I wait for you...

2008-06-10T23:36:00.000-07:00

Nothing to say...

2008-06-10T22:41:00.001-07:00

Yes I am avoiding you...can you blame me?

A "too much" kind of day...

2008-05-07T10:51:00.000-07:00

Ever have those days...you wake up and walk to the breakfast table, and then it happens...this wave of evil / attitude alteration comes over you. Some call this, having a bad day, but for me...it is like being out of body and watching this cloud wrap you up and take you over. You want it to be different, but it is almost like there is nothing you can do. I prayed about this this morning...prayed about my attitude, and then got bad news. I prayed about my attitude and my bad news, and then discovered a friend was hurting badly. I prayed about my attitude, my bad news and my hurting friend and then discovered that my son was going to have one of "those" days. I prayed about my attitude, my bad news, my hurting friend and my son when I discovered I was needed by my husband to help keep him afloat. As I am sinking, I am asked to be a life raft for someone else. Lord...how must I do this...how must I work on my attitude, lay my bad news at your feet, hurt for a hurting friend, guide my son in his daily choices, and help keep other's ministries going? What is that Lord? You want me to do all that and continue to minister to others using my gifts too? Well that is just TOO Much. Lord, I want to tell you today, through some tears, some heart pains, and some anger...it is just TOO Much! I can do nothing but lay all of this at the foot of the cross and pray that it isn't too much for you. Please Lord, prove your love and strength to me today, once again, as I ask TOO much for help with a day that has become TOO much, thank you for your "TOO much" kind of love and grace for me. Love your daughter...

A Devotional Worth Sharing With You...

2008-04-26T05:41:00.000-07:00

Anvil Timeby Max Lucado On God's anvil. Perhaps you've been there.
Melted down. Formless. Undone. Placed on the anvil for...reshaping? (A few rough edges too many.) Discipline? (A good father disciplines.) Testing? (But why so hard?)
I know. I've been on it. It's rough. It's a spiritual slump, a famine. The fire goes out. Although the fire may flame for a moment, it soon disappears. We drift downward. Downward into the foggy valley of question, the misty lowland of discouragement. Motivation wanes. Desire is distant. Responsibilities are depressing.
Passion? It slips out the door.Enthusiasm? Are you kidding?Anvil time.
It can be caused by a death, a breakup, going broke, going prayerless. The light switch is flipped off and the room darkens. "All the thoughtful words of help and hope have all been nicely said. But I'm still hurting, wondering....."
On the anvil.
Brought face to face with God out of the utter realization that we have nowhere else to go. Jesus in the garden. Peter with a tear-streaked face. David after Bathsheba. Elijah and the "still, small voice." Paul, blind in Damascus.
Pound, pound, pound.
I hope you're not on the anvil. (Unless you need to be, and if so, I hope you are.) Anvil time is not to be avoided; it's to be experienced. Although the tunnel is dark, it does go through the mountain. Anvil time reminds us of who we are and who God is. We shouldn't try to escape it. To escape it could be to escape God.
God sees our life from beginning to end. He may lead us through a storm at age thirty so we can endure a hurricane at age sixty. An instrument is useful only if it's in the right shape. A dull ax or bent screwdriver needs attention, and so do we. A good blacksmith keeps his tools in shape. So does God.
Should God place you on his anvil, be thankful. It means he thinks you're still worth reshaping.

The pathway is broken...the signs are unclear...

2008-04-06T21:07:00.000-07:00

I just got off the phone with Ted Skiles in Taiwan at the Home of God's Love, and it was a terrible, terrible phone call. I heard his voice quiver as if he had been crying. He said, "The whole morning has been awful...the government is putting so much pressure on me. They want us to have 3 social workers and a psychologist at the orphanage." He said they keep asking for so many things that he can't even get his work done.
I had e-mailed earlier tonight, just because I was thinking about them, had a few questions and wanted to encourage them, and now I wish I hadn't. He said he got my e-mail but doesn't even have time to respond. The whole time we were visiting, I just wanted to get off the phone so I wouldn't be taking up his time. I asked if I could pray for him and he said he would appreciate it very much. I prayed that God would show his Will for Ted and Bev, and that He would lift this heavy burden from them. I prayed for a renewed spirit, and a softening of the governments heart.
Ted said he is so frustrated, he wonders if God is leading him elsewhere...he wonders if God is asking him to close the doors. I am writing to all of you, begging you to get on your knees and pray. I am not selfishly asking for prayers for OUR adoption process, or anything to do with US, but for TED and BEV, and this heavy burden they carry.
They have done so much for Eric, Aden, Avery and I, and we are their family now. Would you be willing to pray continually tonight and tomorrow for them, please! I feel desperation, and longing to cry out to our God to help them...
On a side note, I have no idea what this means for Avery and our family. If Ted can't get his work done for the orphanage, then he can't work on adoptions. They have 21 babies now...more than they have ever had before. They are short handed, and one of their 3 helpers is flying home today to the states as she can't be there any longer. If they can't work on adoptions, this not only means that our process could be delayed for a long time, but it could mean that it may never happen at all. Who knows...please just pray...I am not even sure what else to say right now.

Lord, I sing this song to you now...

The Pathway is broken...the signs are unclear
I don't know the reason, why you brought me hear...
But just because you love me, the way that you do
I'm gonna walk through the valley, if you want me to

For I'm not who I was, when I took my first step
and I'm clingin to the promise, your not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you
I will go through the fire that you want me to

It may not be the way...I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But you never said it would be easy...
You only said I'd never go alone.....alone.....yeah, yeah

So when the whole world turns against me, and I'm all by myself
And I can't hear your answers to my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering your love put you through
And I will go through the valley.................
If you want me to... Ginny Owens

Adoption Update!

2008-04-03T18:04:00.000-07:00

Hi Eric and Amanda,

Just thought I'd give you a quick update on things. I've gotten the Iowa criminal records checks, the Missouri child abuse registry checks and the Iowa sex offender registry checks all back. We just need the FBI and the Iowa child abuse registry checks back yet. My licensing worker was just here on Tuesday for my recertification and she said she's heard that the FBI checks come back to the family, but she wasn't sure if that was true or not, so I guess it's possible you'll know before me. I've written your study, just need to add the results of the background checks and get it typed up. My guess is that we still have a few weeks; they've only had the FBI info for three weeks. I'll keep you posted!

Ann

Flapping, Gliding, or Soaring...how will you chose to fly?

2008-04-03T14:47:00.000-07:00

Did you know that a humming bird flaps its wings 70 times a second? I was driving home the other night and this awesome sermon came on the radio, and this guy was talking about our Christianity and how we emulate birds in our choices of how to live out our Christianity. He was saying that Humming birds flap around, but the flapping really doesn't get them far...it actually makes it easier for them to hover in place...you know...like when we are stuck...we can't move forward...

The next type of bird glides...In order to do this, they use all of their energy to hype up in the air, and then they glide towards the ground. Because there is so much up and down, it is more like the visual picture of a roller coaster. They don't cover a lot of ground, but they go really high and really low, really fast. Sometimes I am a glider...I used to call it emotionally unstable, ha!

Finally there is the bird that soars. Man alive, do I want to be this bird. The one that soars above all the pressures and trials of life, secure in Christ's plan for us. These birds can soar up to 80 miles an hour! Are you thinking what I am thinking??? Sweet! At that rate, the trials can't last that long, ha!

Anyway, I was put in a situation with my son today and I was reminded by this silly visual, that I really truly do want to soar like an Eagle like God's word talks about in Isaiah. I want to see the world from God's perspective and know that there is a bigger picture. I want to do my job well as a mom, but know the things that are taking place are not personal, but all part of the bigger plan.

Where are you at in your walk? Are you stuck...flapping away, hovering in the same place you always are? Maybe you appear really busy so you don't have to deal... Are you gliding...using all of your energy to get as far as you can...you start off great, and your travels look promising but before you know it you are plummeting to the very ground you were leaping from in the first place... OR, are you soaring along, seeing the big picture in life, knowing that every trial you go through is part of a bigger plan. My prayer is that we all strive to soar...it is so much faster, so much easier...I love to do it Jesus' way!

Dear Heavenly Father, please save me from myself! Please lift me up when I don't have the strength, reveal your bigger picture to me, and help me to fly strong. Help the trials to move underway quickly, and to God be the Glory!

Death of a Sacred Obsession

2008-03-21T06:38:00.000-07:00

Today is Good Friday. I hate this day. I run visions of the Passion of the Christ movie in my head, I see blood, tears, and mockery. I pondered last night how this Easter season could mean something new for me...for my family. In years past, it was the remembrance of loss of someone I loved, the marker in time of nights and days of planning services for others to enjoy...for others to be ratified by...a time of reflection I suppose, but short lived as is for most. I wanted this year to be different. I am married and have 2 kids, and I feel the responsibilities on my shoulders have never been heavier. They press on me as if to say..."Do something..."

I feel compelled to be different, to do something, to feel something...

In my devotions and searching for how this Friday can be any type of "Good" I came across a book that I had started, but hadn't really gotten around to reading much of or finishing for that matter. It annoyed me that there was just another flash of incomplete in my life, but I decided that I was up and I would give it a few minutes of my time.

Sacred Obsession...the title was not intriguing to me, and once I started reading a few pages, I was reminded of why I put it down the first time so quickly...conviction...arousal of anxiety, and fear...

Oh yes, that was the message I clearly remember from the first time picking up this book. I decided to proceed...

After reading 80 pages or so, I was starting to feel some hope...hope that whatever my obsession is...you know the one robing you of the Joy of Christ, may it be greed, food, addiction, or abuse of some kind, today is the day for death. A "Good" death I suppose. A time for change, a time for refocus, a time to be set free.

I read and read and read until I heard the footsteps of my son running down the hallway. When he climbed up in my chair needing a hug after dropping a heavy book on his toe, I felt compelled once again to "Do something." This little boy was looking to me for comfort, reassurance that everything would be okay. I needed to make sure that in my power, in my conviction, it would be. How could I point him to the Lord when I was obsessed with something draging me so far from him?

Today, I chose to admit, confess, and nail my secret obsession to the cross. I will let it die with Jesus tonight, along with all my sins past and those to come. I will mark this date in 2008 as a dying of old and a birthing of new in my life...for the Jesus I serve, for the family he so graciously has given me, and for the value of myself...which I am still trying to accept.

How about you? Do you have some secret obsession? The kind that seduces you with the promise of pleasure, only to take you to a place of remorse and shame.

Psalm 34:11-22 says:
Come, my children, and listen to me, and I will teach you to fear the Lord. Does anyone want to live a life that is long and prosperous? Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies! Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right; his ears are open to their cries for help...The Lord hears his people when thy call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles...The righteous person faces many troubles, but he Lord comes to the rescue each time. For the Lord protects the bones of the righteous; not one of them is broken!...The Lord will redeem those who serve him. No one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.

These verses speak of revival, and we all know that revival does not come with out a cost. The cost is holiness. Becky Tirabassi proposes in her book that When we are ready to pay the price of holiness, as the psalmist puts it: "Turn away from evil..." not for a season, but as a lifestyle--to live and love a holy God, then non and no thing will be able to stop revival!

May this be a "Good" Friday of death on the cross for you...death of something that once dead will set you free, and may you look to the Sunday celebration of Jesus' reserection as a revival in your heart.

What you chase after, you become...

I am Restored

2008-03-20T16:54:00.000-07:00

I took Aden to his Dr. appointment today cautiously wanting to hear the future diagnosis.

They did an oxygen test, and I held my breath as I prepared for some bad number to pop up on the machine and for the nurse to tell me Aden had asthma.

I also prepared to divide the rest of my life around 4 hour breathing treatment segments...Setting up the machine, pouring in the medicine, arguing with Aden about how many more minutes he had to keep the "mask" on, taking apart the machine, cleaning it, drying it, only to start all over again in 3.5 hours!

I had thoughts about one of my really close friends dying of an asthma attack when he was in his early twenties because he couldn't afford proper treatments, nor could he afford the insurance he needed to do so.

I remembering asking myself..."If Aden has some terrible heath problems, if he has asthma and you lay awake the rest of your life listening for his breath, if you live your life always wondering when an attack will hit, and how it will turn out...Is God enough?"

Now granted, there are people starving in the world, dying of cancer, or homeless with no shelter, but this still seemed to be a huge issue in OUR life as we know it...something small, probing the big questions of life...spurring us on to truth and our real heart issues.

I took a deep breath, decided that no matter what happens, it is God's will and he will get us through it. I heard the beeps, looked down, and was almost surprised to learn that Aden was breathing at 100% oxygen levels! The nurse said, no asthma, no virus, no bacterial infection, no more breathing treatments! Wean him off and in 8 days you are done!

I immediately wanted everyone to know that there is a God...a God that spared Aden from what seemed like doom and gloom, at least for today's issues. I wanted to pick the Dr. up and swing her around and then plant a big fat kiss on her cheek! I wanted to stand on top of a mountain and shout from the top of my lungs...JESUS HEARD MY CRY!!!!!!!! HE CARED ABOUT WHAT I WANTED!!!!!! HE WILLED ADEN HEALTH FOR TODAY!!!!!!!!

Then I remembered ...I am afraid of heights and immediately replaced the mountain with a nice flat piece of land. :)

I feel somewhat exposed even sharing this as something so "huge" even though to many others it would be so small. I guess when you don't have an emotional investment in something it isn't as big of a deal, but my emotions are and were highly invested in this, and it reminded me how invested Christ is in our lives, as we are his children. Even if the issue seems so small to everyone else, I know God cares! Let us rejoice in all the details of life, whether little or great, let us sing praises to the Lord for his is SO good!

Lord Jesus, I am restored...

Mental Derailment

2008-03-17T12:40:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I have written and I have all of these thoughts wanting to spew out! I decided it was time to put the words to the paper and get my mental derailment over with...

After our home study meeting was done, we shared with you that we sent our finger prints out the next morning. Over the last week, Aden was diagnosed with bronchiolitis and walking pneumonia, so I have been a little preoccupied. (He is doing fine by the way...breathing treatments every 4 hours and 2 meds. Allergic to one, but allergy medicines are being taken to help with the itching.) Today, as things finally start to settle down, I decided to call Ann to make sure she got the finger prints mailed out. As we talked, she explained that there was one more form we had to mail in due to the fact that we used to live in Missouri and she just remembered that this morning. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!

She is going to put the form in the mail, and we will have to mail it back BEFORE she takes off for spring break or it will just sit there for another week. More AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

I started to let my mind mentally derail from the fact that God is enough in all circumstances. Even though we WANT Avery home asap and we feel all of these little things adding up will take Years off of the time we get to spend with her, I am reminded...get back on track...God's track, not yours. I will do my best to let God be the director and I will just ride along silently and soak it all in. I know there are beautiful things to see and experience along the way, and possibly this extra week will be needed for something special... Thank you Jesus for your plans, and for getting me back on the right track.

Home Study Hype

2008-03-12T11:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay, so for those of you that have been waiting...

Our home study went awesome yesterday! Ann arrived at 3pm (actually she was late, which totally annoys me) and it was really professional at first. (I hate that...why can't we all just take one look at each other and pretend we have been friends for years, ha!)

Anyway, Aden insisted on showing her Sissy's bed, which lead to the "BIG" home tour of all 7 rooms! Woo Hoo! That took a total of 3 minutes and it was off to the couch we went for our visit. Apparently God had a plan for Ann to see how Eric and I discipline because he allowed Aden to act up, big time! :) Rolling around on the floor, smelling her feet and saying "Stinky" among other things.

As the afternoon progressed she really opened up as we went through the questions and said she was impressed by our home and how we discipline. WHAT A RELIEF!

She even said that she took all of spring break off so she could write our home study! That means the big part of it will be done by March 21st! The finger prints needed to be mailed in ASAP and we were told it could take 4-8 weeks to get them back! So, possibly only 4 weeks! We serve a big God! I figure if it does take 8 weeks, then it was all a part of His bigger plan.

She gave us the paperwork we had been waiting on and Eric and I scraped together $5 this morning and headed to the police station at 8am! We got our finger prints done and then Aden and I drove over to Mason to deliver them to her in person. None of this snail mail nonsense. :) We are praying she can get those in the mail to Des Moines by tomorrow and all that only costs $69.50. We are so thankful, relieved, and ready for the next step!

Praising God through this storm...

Williams Look-alike Meter

2008-03-10T20:30:00.001-07:00

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Geneology - Family pictures

Williams Look-alike Meter

2008-03-10T20:20:00.001-07:00

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Family history - Pedigree

Waiting on Jesus?

2008-03-10T14:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard anyone say, "We are waiting on Jesus", or His timing is perfect, and we are just waiting on Him"?

Today I wrestle with the truth in those statements. Is there really such a thing as waiting on God? Is it really as though, we have a plan and we are just waiting on God to fulfill it? I just don't think that is how life goes, although I find myself saying or encouraging others with the exact same statements from time to time.

Today, a young adoptive mother was given the news that her sons are not ready to come home to the states. The process is not complete, and won't be for some time. She will miss her youngest son's first birthday, as her eldest son doesn't get any younger with time...

Upon hearing this news, I immediately felt mercy for her situation...I empathized with her as we long and wait for a child of our own. I searched my heart, longing to find words from God to encourage her. I sat on the couch, wondering what could possibly medicate this woman's heart as she struggles to wait day after day for a life that has been promised her?

Jesus spoke to me...

There is no such thing as waiting on Jesus. Jesus has the ultimate plan, and we have nothing to do with the details of our life. He also spoke God's word that His ways are not our ways, and that He has plans to prosper us, not to harm us.

Hearing Jesus lovingly remind me that I AM NOT IN CONTROL seemed all too familiar. Reminding myself that His ways are always best seemed all too lovely.

Thinking of the what ifs...
What if God is prolonging the celebration of these children coming home because the one plane they would have to take is going to crash...
What if God is prolonging something in my own life to save the life of another...
What if God is faithfully stalling until the blessings we are to receive come as just that...blessings, not burdens.

What if God has His own time table, and we really aren't waiting at all?

I have decided today, that there is no such thing as waiting on Jesus...but there is such a thing as Jesus waiting on me...

Dear Lord, give me strength, as I know you are earnestly waiting...waiting for my love to grow deeper, my trust to grow higher, and my faith to grow wider. Please teach me to learn more about your ways, and more about your will so you just don't have to wait on me at all!

Love your daughter

God as my author

2008-03-10T13:35:00.000-07:00

Today I received an e-mail of encouragement from a church friend explaining how God does not use traditional math. This took my mind directly down memory lane.

When we wanted to adopt Aden, we knew the cost was going to be much cheaper than other stories we had heard about, but the "cheaper" amount was still more than we could ever save on our own. Thinking back on how God gave us money to get our finger prints done, and how the home study got paid for, how Eric got an unexpected job at the air port allowing us to travel round trip, first class, for only $435! Seeing how once we were home, diapers were paid for, formula, Dr. visits etc, just blows my mind. On paper, the numbers just don't make sense...the traditional math just doesn't work.

It is like being a character in a book, and God being the author. He writes these beautiful stories, and Eric and I just so happened to be the page turners of one blessed page after another.

Some may relate more with another type of creating than writing... Whatever the case might be, God is the maker and the production of his hands always turns out to be a best seller.

Knowing that God is the continual author of my life, and Avery's for that matter, makes me excited to see what may happen next. I find satisfaction as I near the climax of this particular story. What is your story like? Are you at the climax, where your fate rests in the authors hands? Are you able to turn the next page, knowing the story has already been written? Do you have faith that all things work together for good? Do you trust...the Lord you serve?

With joined hands together, let's turn the next page with God as our author...shall we?

Will the Williams raise enough money to bring their daughter home????? Will they be able to stick it out, or will they cave under pressure? Read the pages of this book for a fantastic journey experience that some have called extraordinary!

Joshua 24:15 “…You must choose today whom you will serve…As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

Raw Confession

2008-02-24T13:09:00.000-08:00

Ezra 9:10, 15 "And now, our God, after all this what can we say for ourselves? For we have thrown your commands to the wind, the commands you gave us through your servants the prophets..." "...Look at us, openly standing here, guilty before you. No one can last long like this."

I had a rough week, ending in raw confession. The cool thing is, even when we mess up, are at our lowest of lows (or so we think) God extends his merciful hand of grace. Who else will do that for us? Our friends, our spouses, our kids? Maybe, if they are capable, sometimes, but not ALWAYS. Only God can do that for us unconditionally, at all times. It is so cool how God can take these times in the valley and refine our character. It is like...the next time I climb this mountain, I will be even stronger due to my fall in the valley. I am so thankful for a God who loves me, forgives me, and refines me in my rawness. Thank you Father.

Love, your daughter