Today is Good Friday. I hate this day. I run visions of the Passion of the Christ movie in my head, I see blood, tears, and mockery. I pondered last night how this Easter season could mean something new for me...for my family. In years past, it was the remembrance of loss of someone I loved, the marker in time of nights and days of planning services for others to enjoy...for others to be ratified by...a time of reflection I suppose, but short lived as is for most. I wanted this year to be different. I am married and have 2 kids, and I feel the responsibilities on my shoulders have never been heavier. They press on me as if to say..."Do something..."
I feel compelled to be different, to do something, to feel something...
In my devotions and searching for how this Friday can be any type of "Good" I came across a book that I had started, but hadn't really gotten around to reading much of or finishing for that matter. It annoyed me that there was just another flash of incomplete in my life, but I decided that I was up and I would give it a few minutes of my time.
Sacred Obsession...the title was not intriguing to me, and once I started reading a few pages, I was reminded of why I put it down the first time so quickly...conviction...arousal of anxiety, and fear...
Oh yes, that was the message I clearly remember from the first time picking up this book. I decided to proceed...
After reading 80 pages or so, I was starting to feel some hope...hope that whatever my obsession is...you know the one robing you of the Joy of Christ, may it be greed, food, addiction, or abuse of some kind, today is the day for death. A "Good" death I suppose. A time for change, a time for refocus, a time to be set free.
I read and read and read until I heard the footsteps of my son running down the hallway. When he climbed up in my chair needing a hug after dropping a heavy book on his toe, I felt compelled once again to "Do something." This little boy was looking to me for comfort, reassurance that everything would be okay. I needed to make sure that in my power, in my conviction, it would be. How could I point him to the Lord when I was obsessed with something draging me so far from him?
Today, I chose to admit, confess, and nail my secret obsession to the cross. I will let it die with Jesus tonight, along with all my sins past and those to come. I will mark this date in 2008 as a dying of old and a birthing of new in my life...for the Jesus I serve, for the family he so graciously has given me, and for the value of myself...which I am still trying to accept.
How about you? Do you have some secret obsession? The kind that seduces you with the promise of pleasure, only to take you to a place of remorse and shame.
Psalm 34:11-22 says:
Come, my children, and listen to me, and I will teach you to fear the Lord. Does anyone want to live a life that is long and prosperous? Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies! Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right; his ears are open to their cries for help...The Lord hears his people when thy call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles...The righteous person faces many troubles, but he Lord comes to the rescue each time. For the Lord protects the bones of the righteous; not one of them is broken!...The Lord will redeem those who serve him. No one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.
These verses speak of revival, and we all know that revival does not come with out a cost. The cost is holiness. Becky Tirabassi proposes in her book that When we are ready to pay the price of holiness, as the psalmist puts it: "Turn away from evil..." not for a season, but as a lifestyle--to live and love a holy God, then non and no thing will be able to stop revival!
May this be a "Good" Friday of death on the cross for you...death of something that once dead will set you free, and may you look to the Sunday celebration of Jesus' reserection as a revival in your heart.
What you chase after, you become...
Friday, March 21, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
I am Restored
I took Aden to his Dr. appointment today cautiously wanting to hear the future diagnosis.
They did an oxygen test, and I held my breath as I prepared for some bad number to pop up on the machine and for the nurse to tell me Aden had asthma.
I also prepared to divide the rest of my life around 4 hour breathing treatment segments...Setting up the machine, pouring in the medicine, arguing with Aden about how many more minutes he had to keep the "mask" on, taking apart the machine, cleaning it, drying it, only to start all over again in 3.5 hours!
I had thoughts about one of my really close friends dying of an asthma attack when he was in his early twenties because he couldn't afford proper treatments, nor could he afford the insurance he needed to do so.
I remembering asking myself..."If Aden has some terrible heath problems, if he has asthma and you lay awake the rest of your life listening for his breath, if you live your life always wondering when an attack will hit, and how it will turn out...Is God enough?"
Now granted, there are people starving in the world, dying of cancer, or homeless with no shelter, but this still seemed to be a huge issue in OUR life as we know it...something small, probing the big questions of life...spurring us on to truth and our real heart issues.
I took a deep breath, decided that no matter what happens, it is God's will and he will get us through it. I heard the beeps, looked down, and was almost surprised to learn that Aden was breathing at 100% oxygen levels! The nurse said, no asthma, no virus, no bacterial infection, no more breathing treatments! Wean him off and in 8 days you are done!
I immediately wanted everyone to know that there is a God...a God that spared Aden from what seemed like doom and gloom, at least for today's issues. I wanted to pick the Dr. up and swing her around and then plant a big fat kiss on her cheek! I wanted to stand on top of a mountain and shout from the top of my lungs...JESUS HEARD MY CRY!!!!!!!! HE CARED ABOUT WHAT I WANTED!!!!!! HE WILLED ADEN HEALTH FOR TODAY!!!!!!!!
Then I remembered ...I am afraid of heights and immediately replaced the mountain with a nice flat piece of land. :)
I feel somewhat exposed even sharing this as something so "huge" even though to many others it would be so small. I guess when you don't have an emotional investment in something it isn't as big of a deal, but my emotions are and were highly invested in this, and it reminded me how invested Christ is in our lives, as we are his children. Even if the issue seems so small to everyone else, I know God cares! Let us rejoice in all the details of life, whether little or great, let us sing praises to the Lord for his is SO good!
Lord Jesus, I am restored...
They did an oxygen test, and I held my breath as I prepared for some bad number to pop up on the machine and for the nurse to tell me Aden had asthma.
I also prepared to divide the rest of my life around 4 hour breathing treatment segments...Setting up the machine, pouring in the medicine, arguing with Aden about how many more minutes he had to keep the "mask" on, taking apart the machine, cleaning it, drying it, only to start all over again in 3.5 hours!
I had thoughts about one of my really close friends dying of an asthma attack when he was in his early twenties because he couldn't afford proper treatments, nor could he afford the insurance he needed to do so.
I remembering asking myself..."If Aden has some terrible heath problems, if he has asthma and you lay awake the rest of your life listening for his breath, if you live your life always wondering when an attack will hit, and how it will turn out...Is God enough?"
Now granted, there are people starving in the world, dying of cancer, or homeless with no shelter, but this still seemed to be a huge issue in OUR life as we know it...something small, probing the big questions of life...spurring us on to truth and our real heart issues.
I took a deep breath, decided that no matter what happens, it is God's will and he will get us through it. I heard the beeps, looked down, and was almost surprised to learn that Aden was breathing at 100% oxygen levels! The nurse said, no asthma, no virus, no bacterial infection, no more breathing treatments! Wean him off and in 8 days you are done!
I immediately wanted everyone to know that there is a God...a God that spared Aden from what seemed like doom and gloom, at least for today's issues. I wanted to pick the Dr. up and swing her around and then plant a big fat kiss on her cheek! I wanted to stand on top of a mountain and shout from the top of my lungs...JESUS HEARD MY CRY!!!!!!!! HE CARED ABOUT WHAT I WANTED!!!!!! HE WILLED ADEN HEALTH FOR TODAY!!!!!!!!
Then I remembered ...I am afraid of heights and immediately replaced the mountain with a nice flat piece of land. :)
I feel somewhat exposed even sharing this as something so "huge" even though to many others it would be so small. I guess when you don't have an emotional investment in something it isn't as big of a deal, but my emotions are and were highly invested in this, and it reminded me how invested Christ is in our lives, as we are his children. Even if the issue seems so small to everyone else, I know God cares! Let us rejoice in all the details of life, whether little or great, let us sing praises to the Lord for his is SO good!
Lord Jesus, I am restored...
Monday, March 17, 2008
Mental Derailment
It has been a while since I have written and I have all of these thoughts wanting to spew out! I decided it was time to put the words to the paper and get my mental derailment over with...
After our home study meeting was done, we shared with you that we sent our finger prints out the next morning. Over the last week, Aden was diagnosed with bronchiolitis and walking pneumonia, so I have been a little preoccupied. (He is doing fine by the way...breathing treatments every 4 hours and 2 meds. Allergic to one, but allergy medicines are being taken to help with the itching.) Today, as things finally start to settle down, I decided to call Ann to make sure she got the finger prints mailed out. As we talked, she explained that there was one more form we had to mail in due to the fact that we used to live in Missouri and she just remembered that this morning. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!
She is going to put the form in the mail, and we will have to mail it back BEFORE she takes off for spring break or it will just sit there for another week. More AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
I started to let my mind mentally derail from the fact that God is enough in all circumstances. Even though we WANT Avery home asap and we feel all of these little things adding up will take Years off of the time we get to spend with her, I am reminded...get back on track...God's track, not yours. I will do my best to let God be the director and I will just ride along silently and soak it all in. I know there are beautiful things to see and experience along the way, and possibly this extra week will be needed for something special... Thank you Jesus for your plans, and for getting me back on the right track.
After our home study meeting was done, we shared with you that we sent our finger prints out the next morning. Over the last week, Aden was diagnosed with bronchiolitis and walking pneumonia, so I have been a little preoccupied. (He is doing fine by the way...breathing treatments every 4 hours and 2 meds. Allergic to one, but allergy medicines are being taken to help with the itching.) Today, as things finally start to settle down, I decided to call Ann to make sure she got the finger prints mailed out. As we talked, she explained that there was one more form we had to mail in due to the fact that we used to live in Missouri and she just remembered that this morning. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!
She is going to put the form in the mail, and we will have to mail it back BEFORE she takes off for spring break or it will just sit there for another week. More AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
I started to let my mind mentally derail from the fact that God is enough in all circumstances. Even though we WANT Avery home asap and we feel all of these little things adding up will take Years off of the time we get to spend with her, I am reminded...get back on track...God's track, not yours. I will do my best to let God be the director and I will just ride along silently and soak it all in. I know there are beautiful things to see and experience along the way, and possibly this extra week will be needed for something special... Thank you Jesus for your plans, and for getting me back on the right track.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Home Study Hype
Okay, okay, so for those of you that have been waiting...
Our home study went awesome yesterday! Ann arrived at 3pm (actually she was late, which totally annoys me) and it was really professional at first. (I hate that...why can't we all just take one look at each other and pretend we have been friends for years, ha!)
Anyway, Aden insisted on showing her Sissy's bed, which lead to the "BIG" home tour of all 7 rooms! Woo Hoo! That took a total of 3 minutes and it was off to the couch we went for our visit. Apparently God had a plan for Ann to see how Eric and I discipline because he allowed Aden to act up, big time! :) Rolling around on the floor, smelling her feet and saying "Stinky" among other things.
As the afternoon progressed she really opened up as we went through the questions and said she was impressed by our home and how we discipline. WHAT A RELIEF!
She even said that she took all of spring break off so she could write our home study! That means the big part of it will be done by March 21st! The finger prints needed to be mailed in ASAP and we were told it could take 4-8 weeks to get them back! So, possibly only 4 weeks! We serve a big God! I figure if it does take 8 weeks, then it was all a part of His bigger plan.
She gave us the paperwork we had been waiting on and Eric and I scraped together $5 this morning and headed to the police station at 8am! We got our finger prints done and then Aden and I drove over to Mason to deliver them to her in person. None of this snail mail nonsense. :) We are praying she can get those in the mail to Des Moines by tomorrow and all that only costs $69.50. We are so thankful, relieved, and ready for the next step!
Praising God through this storm...
Our home study went awesome yesterday! Ann arrived at 3pm (actually she was late, which totally annoys me) and it was really professional at first. (I hate that...why can't we all just take one look at each other and pretend we have been friends for years, ha!)
Anyway, Aden insisted on showing her Sissy's bed, which lead to the "BIG" home tour of all 7 rooms! Woo Hoo! That took a total of 3 minutes and it was off to the couch we went for our visit. Apparently God had a plan for Ann to see how Eric and I discipline because he allowed Aden to act up, big time! :) Rolling around on the floor, smelling her feet and saying "Stinky" among other things.
As the afternoon progressed she really opened up as we went through the questions and said she was impressed by our home and how we discipline. WHAT A RELIEF!
She even said that she took all of spring break off so she could write our home study! That means the big part of it will be done by March 21st! The finger prints needed to be mailed in ASAP and we were told it could take 4-8 weeks to get them back! So, possibly only 4 weeks! We serve a big God! I figure if it does take 8 weeks, then it was all a part of His bigger plan.
She gave us the paperwork we had been waiting on and Eric and I scraped together $5 this morning and headed to the police station at 8am! We got our finger prints done and then Aden and I drove over to Mason to deliver them to her in person. None of this snail mail nonsense. :) We are praying she can get those in the mail to Des Moines by tomorrow and all that only costs $69.50. We are so thankful, relieved, and ready for the next step!
Praising God through this storm...
Monday, March 10, 2008
Waiting on Jesus?
Have you ever heard anyone say, "We are waiting on Jesus", or His timing is perfect, and we are just waiting on Him"?
Today I wrestle with the truth in those statements. Is there really such a thing as waiting on God? Is it really as though, we have a plan and we are just waiting on God to fulfill it? I just don't think that is how life goes, although I find myself saying or encouraging others with the exact same statements from time to time.
Today, a young adoptive mother was given the news that her sons are not ready to come home to the states. The process is not complete, and won't be for some time. She will miss her youngest son's first birthday, as her eldest son doesn't get any younger with time...
Upon hearing this news, I immediately felt mercy for her situation...I empathized with her as we long and wait for a child of our own. I searched my heart, longing to find words from God to encourage her. I sat on the couch, wondering what could possibly medicate this woman's heart as she struggles to wait day after day for a life that has been promised her?
Jesus spoke to me...
There is no such thing as waiting on Jesus. Jesus has the ultimate plan, and we have nothing to do with the details of our life. He also spoke God's word that His ways are not our ways, and that He has plans to prosper us, not to harm us.
Hearing Jesus lovingly remind me that I AM NOT IN CONTROL seemed all too familiar. Reminding myself that His ways are always best seemed all too lovely.
Thinking of the what ifs...
What if God is prolonging the celebration of these children coming home because the one plane they would have to take is going to crash...
What if God is prolonging something in my own life to save the life of another...
What if God is faithfully stalling until the blessings we are to receive come as just that...blessings, not burdens.
What if God has His own time table, and we really aren't waiting at all?
I have decided today, that there is no such thing as waiting on Jesus...but there is such a thing as Jesus waiting on me...
Dear Lord, give me strength, as I know you are earnestly waiting...waiting for my love to grow deeper, my trust to grow higher, and my faith to grow wider. Please teach me to learn more about your ways, and more about your will so you just don't have to wait on me at all!
Love your daughter
Today I wrestle with the truth in those statements. Is there really such a thing as waiting on God? Is it really as though, we have a plan and we are just waiting on God to fulfill it? I just don't think that is how life goes, although I find myself saying or encouraging others with the exact same statements from time to time.
Today, a young adoptive mother was given the news that her sons are not ready to come home to the states. The process is not complete, and won't be for some time. She will miss her youngest son's first birthday, as her eldest son doesn't get any younger with time...
Upon hearing this news, I immediately felt mercy for her situation...I empathized with her as we long and wait for a child of our own. I searched my heart, longing to find words from God to encourage her. I sat on the couch, wondering what could possibly medicate this woman's heart as she struggles to wait day after day for a life that has been promised her?
Jesus spoke to me...
There is no such thing as waiting on Jesus. Jesus has the ultimate plan, and we have nothing to do with the details of our life. He also spoke God's word that His ways are not our ways, and that He has plans to prosper us, not to harm us.
Hearing Jesus lovingly remind me that I AM NOT IN CONTROL seemed all too familiar. Reminding myself that His ways are always best seemed all too lovely.
Thinking of the what ifs...
What if God is prolonging the celebration of these children coming home because the one plane they would have to take is going to crash...
What if God is prolonging something in my own life to save the life of another...
What if God is faithfully stalling until the blessings we are to receive come as just that...blessings, not burdens.
What if God has His own time table, and we really aren't waiting at all?
I have decided today, that there is no such thing as waiting on Jesus...but there is such a thing as Jesus waiting on me...
Dear Lord, give me strength, as I know you are earnestly waiting...waiting for my love to grow deeper, my trust to grow higher, and my faith to grow wider. Please teach me to learn more about your ways, and more about your will so you just don't have to wait on me at all!
Love your daughter
God as my author
Today I received an e-mail of encouragement from a church friend explaining how God does not use traditional math. This took my mind directly down memory lane.
When we wanted to adopt Aden, we knew the cost was going to be much cheaper than other stories we had heard about, but the "cheaper" amount was still more than we could ever save on our own. Thinking back on how God gave us money to get our finger prints done, and how the home study got paid for, how Eric got an unexpected job at the air port allowing us to travel round trip, first class, for only $435! Seeing how once we were home, diapers were paid for, formula, Dr. visits etc, just blows my mind. On paper, the numbers just don't make sense...the traditional math just doesn't work.
It is like being a character in a book, and God being the author. He writes these beautiful stories, and Eric and I just so happened to be the page turners of one blessed page after another.
Some may relate more with another type of creating than writing... Whatever the case might be, God is the maker and the production of his hands always turns out to be a best seller.
Knowing that God is the continual author of my life, and Avery's for that matter, makes me excited to see what may happen next. I find satisfaction as I near the climax of this particular story. What is your story like? Are you at the climax, where your fate rests in the authors hands? Are you able to turn the next page, knowing the story has already been written? Do you have faith that all things work together for good? Do you trust...the Lord you serve?
With joined hands together, let's turn the next page with God as our author...shall we?
Will the Williams raise enough money to bring their daughter home????? Will they be able to stick it out, or will they cave under pressure? Read the pages of this book for a fantastic journey experience that some have called extraordinary!
Joshua 24:15 “…You must choose today whom you will serve…As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
When we wanted to adopt Aden, we knew the cost was going to be much cheaper than other stories we had heard about, but the "cheaper" amount was still more than we could ever save on our own. Thinking back on how God gave us money to get our finger prints done, and how the home study got paid for, how Eric got an unexpected job at the air port allowing us to travel round trip, first class, for only $435! Seeing how once we were home, diapers were paid for, formula, Dr. visits etc, just blows my mind. On paper, the numbers just don't make sense...the traditional math just doesn't work.
It is like being a character in a book, and God being the author. He writes these beautiful stories, and Eric and I just so happened to be the page turners of one blessed page after another.
Some may relate more with another type of creating than writing... Whatever the case might be, God is the maker and the production of his hands always turns out to be a best seller.
Knowing that God is the continual author of my life, and Avery's for that matter, makes me excited to see what may happen next. I find satisfaction as I near the climax of this particular story. What is your story like? Are you at the climax, where your fate rests in the authors hands? Are you able to turn the next page, knowing the story has already been written? Do you have faith that all things work together for good? Do you trust...the Lord you serve?
With joined hands together, let's turn the next page with God as our author...shall we?
Will the Williams raise enough money to bring their daughter home????? Will they be able to stick it out, or will they cave under pressure? Read the pages of this book for a fantastic journey experience that some have called extraordinary!
Joshua 24:15 “…You must choose today whom you will serve…As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
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